


What a Lovely Catastrophe

by Pugglemuggle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Cat Ears, Cat Luke Skywalker, Dumb boys being dumb, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Millennium Falcon - Freeform, Near Death Experiences, Spies & Secret Agents, Undercover As Prostitute, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6941524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pugglemuggle/pseuds/Pugglemuggle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke and Han are going on an undercover mission, and Han has some misgivings, to say the least. For example... is that cat outfit really necessary?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Lovely Catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aomaoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aomaoe/gifts).



> This was written for [aomaoe](http://aomaoe.tumblr.com/) as a part of the [2016 Skysolo Gift Exchange](http://skysologiftexchange.tumblr.com/). The prompts I tried to fit into this were, in no particular order: hurt/comfort, near death experiences, cat!Luke, and Kingsman/spy!AU. Although this doesn't take place in an AU, they do act as spies, sort of. Does that count?
> 
> As of now this is unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are my own.

“I don’t like it, Princess.”

“I’m not asking you to like it.”

“It’s completely crazy.”

“Well, it’s the best plan we’ve got.”

“It’s the _only_ plan we’ve got.”

“And you can think of a better one?”

Han frowned. He _couldn’t_ think of a better plan—that was the problem.

They were in a conference room on the Rebel base on Yavin 4, where they’d temporarily set up camp until they could find a more secure base planet. It was a fine base, but it wasn’t a _secret_ base—hence the need to relocate. Everybody knew about Yavin 4 now. Although destroying the Death Star was a heavy blow to the Empire, it would be just plain stupid to assume that the need for secrecy was over. They had a lot more battles to fight before this war was won.

“Unless you have something helpful to add,” Leia continued, “I’m going to start talking about the practical application of the plan.”

Han shook his head. “I just... I just don’t like it. It’s too dangerous.”

“We did _way_ more dangerous things last week on the Death Star,” Luke pointed out, speaking up for the first time in the whole debate.

“Yeah, and I’m not in a hurry to pilot the Millennium Falcon through a giant killer Empire planet ever again,” Han said.

“But you still did it!” Luke insisted. “This plan is a hundred times less risky than any of that. And it’s a pretty good plan! So why are you getting cold feet? You’re a resistance fighter now, aren’t you? Or aren’t you?”

“Kid, c’mon.”

“What?”

“It’s not—it’s not about that. I’ve done plenty of jobs like this before—not exactly like this, but close enough. I know what I’m getting into. But you—”

“You don’t think I can handle it?”

And isn’t that the crux of this whole issue.

Luke is a great pilot. He’s force sensitive—the kid can do things with his mind that Han can’t even begin to wrap his head around. Luke knows his way around a lightsaber, too, and he isn’t half-bad with a blaster either. Theoretically, Luke can defend himself pretty well. _Theoretically_.

Han’s brain apparently isn’t very interested in thinking theoretically.

“Han,” Leia says, cutting into their conversation before Han is forced to respond to Luke’s question. Han is privately grateful for this. He turns his attention to her and wonders if she knows more than she lets on. “Whatever your misgivings are,” she continues, “I need you to set them aside. We have to get that map. It’s the only way we’ll be able to tell which planets have already been scouted by Empire forces. If we don’t have this map, Han, any planet we build a base on could be a trap.”

Han knows, objectively, that Leia is right, but he’s sure as hell not going to say so.

“Rego Praxis, one of the Outer Rim’s most powerful crime lords, is hosting a gala on Phaeda’s second moon, which he owns.” Leia says. “We shouldn’t have any trouble getting into the Phaeda system. I’m sure you’re familiar with it, Han?”

“Yeah,” Han says gruffly. “It’s a smuggler’s paradise. Thieves, bounty hunters, runaways, outlaws. You name it. Imperial troops tend to leave it alone.”

Leia nods. “The only troops we’ll run into will be Rego’s. He’ll have his own personal patrols everywhere, so we’ll need a cover. There’s a certain kind of person who goes to Rego’s galas, and Luke looks the part: he’s small, young, and blond. He’ll blend in; no one will suspect a thing. He can get into the gala and break you in so you can retrieve the data from the mainframe.”

“How will I get in?” Luke asks her. “Aren’t galas like that invite-only?”

“Yeah, princess,” Han chimed in. “I want to know how Luke is going to get into this heavily-guarded party hosted by a _dangerous, powerful criminal_.”

Leia pulls up a hologram of a heavily doctored electronic invitation that now featured a photo of Luke’s face. “We’ve made Luke a fake invitation. It won’t hold up if they look at it too closely, so you’ll have to be careful, but it should be enough to get you in.”

“Great,” Han says, leaning back in his chair with a defeated sigh. “Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

⋆⋆⋆

It ends up being even worse than he expected.

They’ve been flying in the Millennium Falcon for a good three hours, but they’ve finally entered the Phaeda System. Despite his doubts about this whole mission, he’s glad Leia agreed to let him fly the Falcon. It’s a pretty recognizable ship, but Phaeda is enough of a criminal hub that it won’t be the most infamous craft there. A lot of people know Han Solo, but he’s not the galaxy’s most wanted. Still, they have to park it and take a different craft over to Rego’s moon. Infamous or not, the Falcon is still very clearly a smuggler’s ship.

Chewie leaves to go negotiate parking space for the Falcon while Han and Luke load up in the small passenger shuttle they’d brought in the Falcon’s cargo bay. There’s a suit jacket for Han, which he begrudgingly puts on over his white shirt. It’s stiff and uncomfortable, and it makes him irritable, but it’ll help them blend in. Before they leave, Luke excuses himself to go back inside the Falcon and change into his undercover outfit.

When he comes back out, he’s wearing _leather_. Han almost chokes.

 _“Luke_ ,” he says. “What—what the hell are you wearing?!”

Luke looks down at himself and frowns. “...I thought I looked pretty good.”

Han stares. Luke is wearing tiny black leather shorts, a tight black vest, boots that lace all the way up to his knees, and a headband with _cat ears_. Luke looking good really isn’t the problem—or rather, it’s a different kind of problem. A problem for Han to figure out later, when they’re not on a faraway planet about to begin a highly dangerous mission.

“That’s.... That’s not what I meant,” Han manages. “I meant _why_ are you wearing...?”

“It’s a cat outfit,” Luke says plainly. “The party has a dress code.”

“What kind of dress code?”

“It’s a costume party.”

“But why do you need to dress up in...” Han pauses, “...this?”

“I have to stay in character,” Luke says. “My ticket says I’m ‘Heartbreak Omega’, the Kessel Sector’s most promising young companion, here to prove my talent to the back-alley elite.”

Han blanches. Luke notices and sighs.

“What now, Han?” she asks.

“You—are you serious? Luke? A _companion_?”

“So?” Luke prompts. He seems completely unperturbed.

“You don’t have a problem with this?”

“No. Why would I?”

“Do you know what a companion is?”

“Yes.”

“ _Luke.”_

“What?”

“I don’t... You’re not...” Han fumbles, struggling for words. In the end he settles for, “You can’t pull off a prostitute, Luke. No one will buy it.”

“ _Companion_ ,” Luke corrects. “And I can pull off a lot more than you think.”

 _I’m going to hell,_ Han thinks. Luke’s got that determined look on his face, the one he got before the battle at the Death Star when he tried to convince Han to fight with them. It’s almost too much. Han wants to argue but he doesn’t think he can, not when Luke’s still wearing those goddamn ears. He feels absurdly guilty.

“Okay, fine,” Han says quietly, and Luke gives him a look, like he’d been expecting an argument. “Just be careful.”

“Alright. Good,” Luke says, his expression still skeptical. He clips his comm microphone onto his collar as he walks past Han to get into the shuttle and _shit_ , he’s got a _tail_. Han’s heart jumps to his throat. Luke turns back around and Han only just has enough time to drag his eyes back upwards before Luke says, “Are you coming?”

 _Fuck_. This mission just got a lot more complicated.

Han swallows. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

⋆⋆⋆

The only good thing about Luke’s outfit is that it _works_. The guard barely glances at Luke’s holographic invitation, too busy staring at Luke to give it a thorough look. He’s waved right into the ballroom while Han is left to “park the shuttle with the other chauffeurs”.

He doesn’t do that, of course. He takes the shuttle around to Docking Bay 17 and waits for Luke to let him in.

“Hey, how’s it going kid?” he says into the comm once the shuttle is parked and switched to low power. He fidgets with the cuffs of his suit jacket—so much more professional one than what he’s used to wearing—and waits.

“I’m through the main ballroom and heading for the service corridor,” Luke says finally. “I’m about to—wait, someone’s coming.”

The comm goes quiet for a terrifying moment.

“Hey,” says a faraway voice through the comm speaker, a voice that is definitely not Luke’s. Han’s heart freezes.

“Hello,” says Luke, sounding far too chipper. _It’s over_ , Han thinks. _They’re going to find out._

“What’re you doing all the way out here? I’m pretty sure the party’s back that way.”

“Oh, I just needed some air,” Luke says without missing a beat. “The ballroom is really crowded tonight.”

“I’m not sure if guests are supposed to be out this way....”

“Ah, you won’t tell on me, will you?” Luke says. He sounds almost _playful_ , his voice dropping to a low purr. Han swallows.

“Oh, no, I’m not that kind of guy.”

“Then what kind of guy are you?”

“Just a guy wondering if maybe you wanted some company tonight?” the man says, and Han feels a white-hot surge of anger boil up inside him. Suddenly, he _hates_ this man. He wishes he was there with Luke right now so he could rearrange that guy’s face. “I saw you come in a few minutes ago, and I couldn’t help but ask....”

“I’m flattered,” Luke says, “but I’m afraid I already have somewhere else to be tonight.”

“Oh, okay,” the man says. “Well, have a good night.”

“You too,” says Luke, and then he’s quiet again for several long moments. Han waits with baited breath until, finally, Luke says, “Okay. I think we’re clear.”

“You should’ve blasted that guy,” Han says. “You should have taken him down. That guy was bad news. He would’ve—”

“Han, it’s fine,” Luke interrupts. “He was harmless.”

“You don’t know that,” Han insists. “He might’ve been on security. Maybe he recognized you and that’s why he was following you.”

“If he recognized me, he wouldn’t have left just now.”

“Maybe he left to go tell the rest of the security force.”

“He would have used a communicator.”

“Fine. Maybe he wasn’t on security. Maybe he _was_ just a guest and he recognized you, and _now_ he’s headed off to tell security?”

“Then he wouldn’t have approached me in the first place, Han. I really don’t see what your problem is.”

Han frowns at his microphone. He thinks about the tone of the man’s voice, the way he’d propositioned Luke, and says, “I just think that guy was bad news, is all.”

“You said that already,” Luke says gently. There’s the sound of a door opening and closing. Then, “Han, I can handle myself. I promise.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Well, you can believe it pretty soon, then. I’m in Docking Bay 17 and I just hit the button to open up the outer door.”

Sure enough, the large hangar door in front of the shuttle is starting to open. Han reboots the shuttle and begins to navigate it inside. It's a tight fit—the docking bay is clearly meant for much smaller unmanned drones—but he manages to get the vehicle in far enough past the outer door that it can close again.

The moment the shuttle is powered down he swings open the shuttle door and hops out.

“Hey,” Luke says to him, standing at the top of the stairs leading out of the docking bay. He’s still wearing that goddamn cat outfit, of course.

“Hey yourself,” Han says, pretending to busy himself with closing the shuttle door behind him. “It took you long enough.”

“Hey, I thought I was pretty fast.”

“Hm,” Han says noncommittally, even though Luke had been fairly quick. “How about we get on with this instead of wasting even more time?”

“Fine,” Luke says, looking a little miffed. Han resolutely doesn’t think about how cute Luke looks when he’s grumpy.

They get out of the service corridors and head towards Rego’s more heavily guarded personal quarters, where they know they'll find the grid room—and the map. It’s a slow, quiet walk, and all the while Han is hyperaware of Luke’s proximity, only a few inches away at his right shoulder. His leather shorts are distracting. They make a soft noise every time he moves, his tail swaying side to side with every step. Han is almost surprised they manage to get to Rego’s wing without getting lost.

The only problem is that there’s a door between them and the grid room that has an access card panel. And they don’t have a card.

“I might be able to use some low-tech hacks to get us in,” Han says, “but I can’t guarantee anything.”

Luke nods at him to go ahead. Han punches the card panel.

A small red light flashes and a camera swivels away from the wall. “Hello?” says a voice from above them. “This is Mr. Praxis’s security staff. May I help you?”

Shit.

“Um,” Han says. “Everything’s fine. We’re, uh, we’re just—”

“He was just leading me into Rego’s quarters,” Luke says, stepping in front of the camera lens. “I believe he’s expecting me?”

The camera slides closer. “Is there a reason your guide doesn’t have his card?”

“He’s new,” Luke says easily. “Rego says you would be able to buzz us in?”

“Okay,” says the voice. “I’ll just call him to confirm—”

“Oh, I might not disturb him right now,” Luke says, grinning charmingly. “When I last talked to him, he was, uh, occupied with another service-provider. He told me I should just wait for him in here until he was finished.”

There’s a pause. Han imagines the security guard is contemplating them. He tries to look professional but he thinks he might just look awkward.

“Okay...” the voice says eventually. “I’ll buzz you in.”

The light flashes green and the door opens.

“Nice job, kid,” Han murmurs to Luke once they’ve cleared the door.

“Not too bad, huh?” he says, turning to Han, and now he’s grinning a completely different kind of grin, a wide, bright smile that could light up a whole room. Something in Han’s gut twists. He tries his best to smile back.

They walk quickly to the grid room and waste no time in locating the computer connected to the mainframe. Han pulls out the portable hard drive from his pocket and connects it to the port.

A siren blares.

“Shit,” Han says.

“Here, I’ll download the files and you watch the door,” says Luke, leaning over the desk. “You’re better with a blaster.”

Han nods and waits by the door while Luke crouches over the computer at the opposite side of the room, his back to Han. The cat tail is still attached to Luke’s shorts, swaying slightly every time Luke moves his hand to type on the keyboard. The shorts themselves barely cover Luke’s ass.

“Han, do you hear that?” Luke says, and Han suddenly realizes he hasn’t been watching the door. He listens and—yeah, that sounds like footsteps. There are voices carrying over from the main hallway, and they don’t sound very happy.

“Great,” Han says. “How much time is left before we have all the files?”

“Only a few seconds...” Luke says. “And... it’s done. Let’s go.”

He pulls the drive out of the port and they all but sprint out of the room. Luckily, Rego’s security isn’t as organized as a Stormtrooper army. The two of them manage to skirt the guards around the main hallway, but there’s only one door leading out of Rego’s quarters, and there are two black-clad sentinels on either side of it now.

“Han,” Luke whispers. His cat ears have gotten slightly crooked and Han fights the urge to adjust them. “What do we do?”

“I have an idea,” Han says. He pulls his blaster out of his belt, sets it to ‘Stun’, and shoots at the two guards. They don’t have time to pull out their own blasters before they’re both on the floor.

“C’mon,” Han says, and Luke follows.

They manage to get all the way back to the service corridor before the guards catch up with them. They’re closer to the ballroom now, and there are a few other guests milling around the hallway. They slow down to a brisk walk, doing their best to look inconspicuous as the sound of heavy footsteps closes in on them.

“Luke,” Han says, “got any ideas?”

“Just one,” Luke replies, “but it’s a little crazy, and you won’t like it.”

The sound of the guards gets louder. Some of the people around them are starting to look alarmed.

“Well, is your plan better than having this turn into a shoot-out?” Han asks. He can see shadows of people coming around the bend in front of them.

Luke nods. “I think so.”

“Fine. What’s your plan?”

Luke grabs Han’s shirt, hauls him over to the nearest wall, and kisses him.

At first, Han is too stunned to react. Luke’s lips are on his, his body pressed flush against Han’s. If Han were ready to admit that he’s thought about this before (which he isn’t), he would have thought that this wasn’t exactly how he imagined their first kiss happening. He wouldn’t have been able to conjure up Luke’s tongue licking at his bottom lip, or the way Luke’s hips feel under his hands, or this ridiculous, stupidly hot cat outfit. Dimly, Han is aware of people passing behind them, and he wonders if he should be concerned by them, but then Luke moves a hand into Han’s hair and he forgets about them entirely.

Han’s not sure how long it’s been when Luke pulls away. His cat ears are even more crooked now, and his cheeks are flushed pink.

“They’re gone,” Luke says with a small smile. It takes Han a moment to figure out that he’s talking about the guards. “And you kissed back.”

“I... you.... Yeah, I, uh, I did.” Han mumbles. “Why did you....?”

“The guards were looking for a couple of spies, not two people kissing against the wall,” Luke says. “I figured it would be easier for them to overlook us if we were, you know....”

“Oh,” Han says, deflating slightly. “Well, good job. It worked.”

“It was... nice, though,” Luke says shyly. “We should do it again sometime, when we’re not, you know—”

“Trying to escape Rego’s evil mansion?”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “Yeah.”

“I’d... I'd like that too,” Han says, “but, uh, we should probably—”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

They race to Docking Bay 17 and hit the button to open the outer door. They’re in the shuttle and Han has maneuvered it halfway out of the dock when the guards burst through the door.

“Do we have any firepower?” Luke asks. “I mean, I know it’s a passenger shuttle but—”

“It’s a _Rebel Alliance_ passenger shuttle,” Han says. “Of course it has firepower.”

Han gets them the rest of the way out of the dock, but not before they see some of the guards hop into several tiny black-market starfighters. This is going to involve a little more shooting than Han would like.

He flips open the manual flight panels and Luke sits down in the copilot seat, skimming his fingers over the controls. Then Luke presses a few buttons and the blaster turret extend out from the bottom of the plane. The turret swivels side to side as he moves the joystick.

“You got this?” Han asks.

“Yeah,” Luke replies, and he’s _still wearing the cat outfit_ but he looks so determined, so focused, and Han can’t help but believe him.

All things considered, they hold their own pretty well. Luke and Han are a good team—they anticipate each other, Han maneuvering them into the perfect position and Luke zeroing in on the target before Han even has to say anything. They manage to take out one of the starfighters before they even leave the moon’s atmosphere. The rest of the fighters seem to retreat after that, and they get all the way into Phaeda’s atmosphere before they see another one of Rego’s starfighers.

Han sees it happen almost in slow motion. He’s just called up Chewie to ask him to open up the Millennium Falcon’s cargo hold so they can fly in when out of the corner of his eye, he sees a ragtag black starfighter, the same kind as they saw back on Rego’s moon.

“Luke!” he manages to say. “On your right! They must have tracked us. We need to—”

They don’t get the chance. Luke manages to get one solid hit before the tiny starfighter fires and there’s a loud sound and suddenly they’re falling, spiraling towards Phaeda’s surface.

“Luke!” Han shouts over the sound of the wind blasting through the holes in the ship’s glass canopy. He glances over and there’s blood on Luke’s forehead from a gash just above his eyebrow. He looks dazed. “Are you alright? Luke, say something.”

Luke just shakes his head from side to side, like he’s trying to clear it, and Han feels fear cinch his chest tight.

“Luke, you’re scaring me,” Han says, his voice cracking as he wrestles with the throttle to try to control their drop. One of the engines is still working, so puts it on full thrust to slow their descent. They’re losing altitude fast. He can see the Millennium Falcon below, a small grey spot rapidly becoming bigger.

“We’re falling,” Luke says dully.

Han tries to keep his voice steady. “And we’re going to crash pretty soon so hold onto your seat.”

Luke grips his chair dutifully.

300 feet, 200 feet, 100 feet. The engine is squealing. He turns on the auxiliary flight stabilization thrusters and—

They crash.

In Han’s defense, it isn’t as bad as it could have been.

“Luke, Luke, hey,” Han says, “we gotta get out of here.” He helps Luke to his feet and flips open what’s left of the glass canopy. The Falcon is only a few yards away. Pretty good for a crash landing.

“I can walk,” Luke says, but he makes no effort to support his own weight. Han scoops him up, his arms under Luke’s knees and back. He looks up at the Falcon’s boarding ramp and sees that Chewie’s already starting to close it. Good. Something—a piece of the enemy starfigher, perhaps—crashes and shakes the ground behind him, making him stumble forward. They don’t have much time. If one starfighter could find them, then more must be on their way. He manages to run up the ramp and dive through the door just as another explosion singes the air behind him.

“Chewie, we need to go!” Han yells, and he can feel the ship begin to vibrate as it lifts off the ground. He knows he should go to the cockpit and help Chewie fly this thing out of here—the Falcon is a hard ship to fly without a copilot—but instead he sets Luke down and leans him against the wall of the cockpit access corridor. “Luke, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Luke says, rubbing at the blood on his forehead. “I... might have a concussion, I think. But I’ll be alright.”

Han puts a hand delicately over the cut on Luke’s forehead and Luke winces, just a little. Han replaces the fingers with his lips, as gently as he can manage. “Hey,” he murmurs, “I’m glad you’re okay. You scared me up there.”

“I’m sorry.”

Han shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. Is there anything I can do?”

Luke smiles. “Well, there is one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“You could kiss me again,” he says, and hell if Han isn’t completely gone for this cheeky kid. He lets out a laugh, half amusement and half relief, and leans in, pressing his lips against Luke’s. It’s sweet and soft, so much milder than their first kiss. Han revels in it.

When they pull apart, Han notices that Luke’s cat ears have somehow managed to stay on his head, albeit bent and off-center. He plucks them off tenderly.

“These have been driving me crazy all day,” Han admits.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I have a confession to make,” Luke says. “I sort of hoped they would.”

“You meant to drive me crazy?”

“Yeah,” Luke says. At least he has the good grace to look embarrassed. “Leia was going to have me pose as a waiter but I asked to be a companion so I could try to... um....”

“What, seduce me?”

“That’s one way to put it,” Luke says, and now his cheeks are pink. Han wants to kiss him again.

Then Chewie makes a noise, telling Han that his boyfriend will still be there when they get back, and to hurry his ass back in to copilot. Han sighs.

“We’ll continue this later?” he asks, cupping Luke’s cheek.

“I hope so,” Luke says.

“Yeah,” Han smiles. “Yeah, me too.”

⋆⋆⋆

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> One of my friends really wanted me to title this fic "Catstisuit", like "Cat Suit" + "Prostitute". Y'all are lucky I didn't listen to her.


End file.
